SEX AND THE CITY (Rated R)

There are times when you must accept your limitations. I should have realized this while sitting in a theater waiting to screen “Sex and the City.”

Reading the first paragraph of the press notes telegraphed the disaster looming on the horizon. This film version of the HBO series promised to answer all of the lingering questions: Will Carrie and Big finally tie the knot? Can Samantha really be satisfied with just one man? Will Charlotte ever get pregnant? Can Miranda and Steve actually live happily ever after?

Granted, I had not thought of questions like these. Mine run along the following lines: How long until the next James Bond movie? Are the Chicago Cubs for real this year? Wouldn’t an NBA Finals between the Lakers and the Celtics be a classic showdown? Will Barry Bonds, having disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle of forgotten ballplayers, ever show up in uniform again? I could go on, but only at the risk of being as boring as the movie I had to sit through.

What is “Sex and the City” all about, other than a bloated exercise in self-indulgence? Having fairly well avoided the HBO series, I am ill-prepared to stand in the way of the legions of fans that will flock to this movie no matter what a disgruntled critic has to say.

The Fab Four women are back, this time on the big screen, doing pretty much what they did on TV, apparently picking up where they left off, which is probably shopping for a new pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes at ritzy Manhattan stores and endlessly discussing their love lives.

Leading the parade and serving as narrator is Sarah Jessica Parker’s Carrie Bradshaw, successful author and fashion icon who is single and over 40. Like all of her friends, Carrie seems to have few real worries other than shopping for the most expensive clothes on the planet.

The love of her life is the handsome yet elusive Mr. Big (Chris Noth). What he does for a living is a mystery, but apparently his bank account rivals that of a Rockefeller. He and Carrie go shopping for a swank Fifth Avenue penthouse apartment without debating the financials. But now that they are moving in together, the talk of marriage surfaces in earnest.

Meanwhile, the hellcat Samantha (Kim Cattrall), oversexed to an extreme, is living a luxurious life at a Malibu beachfront home, while tending to the needs of her only client, Smith Jerrod (Jason Lewis), an actor putting in long hours at the studio. When not spying on the hunky next-door neighbor, Samantha alleviates boredom by flying off to New York for constant reunions with her gal pals, which also include the stressed-out Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) and stable homemaker Charlotte (Kristin Davis).

About every 10 minutes, the four ladies seem to have another get-together somewhere in Manhattan, either at a fashion show, trendy nightclub or an exclusive Fifth Avenue store. On the other hand, their effusive greetings to one another suggest they haven’t seen each other in years. Perhaps this is one way to communicate the self-evident truth that these women are self-absorbed and shallow. After awhile, you can only have so many conversations about marriage, sex, shopping and fashion. Therefore, the story launches subplots involving the men in their lives.

Without giving away too much, let’s just say that the pending nuptials of Carrie and Mr. Big will not go smoothly. Lack of sexual intimacy threatens to unravel the marriage of Miranda and Steve (David Eigenberg). We already know about the perils of Samantha’s overactive libido, so that leaves Charlotte as the only one who remains sensible, and yet she ends up the literal butt of a joke on a jaunt to a Mexican beach resort.

A welcome new character is Jennifer Hudson’s Louise, Carrie’s young personal assistant who knows how to get mileage out of rented brand-name handbags.

Disappointingly, “Sex and the City” has only a few laughs. You’d think the film would have had more comic potential. Still, the ardent fans of the series are unlikely to be dissuaded from rushing to the cinema for an entertainment that seemingly has attained a cult status.

DVD RELEASE UPDATE

One of the benefits of DVD releases is the opportunity to see films that might not have had wide distribution at the cinema.

Starring Demi Moore and Michael Caine, “Flawless” failed to garner the attention it deserved at the box office. These two stars play unlikely partners who plan an audacious diamond heist in retribution to a company that has done them wrong.

Set during 1960 at the London Diamond Company, “Flawless” allows Moore’s driven executive frustrated by a glass ceiling after years of faithful employment to be lured into an ingenious plan by Caine’s invisible nighttime janitor who has amassed a startling amount of knowledge about how the company functions.

At once nostalgic and classy, this film is a thrilling caper in the tradition of the better British crime dramas.

Tim Riley writes film and television reviews for Lake County News.

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