A couple is being married today.

The young man is dressed in a tuxedo, the first time he has ever worn anything like that. It itches and makes him uncomfortable, but all that is immaterial because today his life will change forever (or so he thinks) – and he promises in front of his Lord and Savior to love, honor, cherish his wife to be so help him God.

He hears the music and turns ... down the aisle walks his bride ... beauty like nothing he has ever seen. Her father is at her side and they walk slowly towards him. As they reach the alter, her father gracefully puts her hand in his.

It is her day and she has never been happier ... today she will promise to love, honor, and maybe even obey, so help her God.

As the service ends and the two are now one, they walk out the door to a new life. The clock ticks and five years go by.

For all the marriages that took place that day five years ago, five out of 10 will have already ended in divorce.

It probably doesn’t surprise you that the United States has the highest divorce rate in the world. We live in a country where the word cherish and obey often mean nothing.

You know there will be problems before a marriage is even consummated because the most avoided phrase in wedding ceremonies today are the words, “Love, honor and obey.” The love and honor are still OK, but obey – no way!

Until couples understand how significant that phrase is, the chances are that the marriage will have problems.

Paul writes in Ephesians 5:22ff, “Give thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

And then he says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord … Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”

The problem comes up in marriage vows with this passage because of the words, “obey” and “submit.” Those words do not fair well in a society where equality between male and female remains paramount. No way is he going to be the boss!

So, we drop the word obey from the marriage ceremony. What a shame since what these words mean has nothing to do with either the man or woman being the boss.

If people would take a moment and understand what is being said, they would realize that it is in our best interests to follow the instruction.

In the case of the wedding vows, the term “obey” means that the man is responsible for the spiritual health of the family and must make certain the wife and children are not only instructed in Scripture, following the teaching of Jesus, but it also means that the dad is the one who should be taking, not sending, his family to church, and that they all have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

He is the one who has to say, worship on Sunday is more important that football, or soccer or baseball, or all the other distractions that will prevent the appropriate rearing of a child and family unity in Christ.

Take out the word obey from the wedding vows and you take his responsibility with it and guess what happens? The statistics say everything that needs to be said.

We’ll talk about this more at First Lutheran Church of Lucerne on Sunday, Aug. 26.

Worship is at 11 a.m. with a time of fellowship and lunch immediately following the service.

This week is country Gospel Sunday so please bring your friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances and any one else you can think of.

All are welcome so come as you are!

Chris DelCol is pastor of First Lutheran Church in Lucerne, Calif. The church is located at 3863 Country Club Drive, telephone 707-274-5572. Email Pastor Chris at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..