Jordan O’Halloran. Courtesy photo.

LAKE COUNTY, Calif. — Ever since I moved to Lake County eight years ago, I’ve had one clear goal: Show up as my true self authentically even if people don’t like it. Even if I don’t like it.

However, with all of the professional jobs I’ve had here, separating the two sometimes would be difficult.

That was until I realized my true love for writing again.

I began taking action to activate my creative side. Taking classes at the Middletown Art Center, meeting other creatives and taking time for solitude. My soul had a push to break out of my shell.

So, I did. I came out with my first novel, “Clean Up on Aisle Three.” The story follows a main character who has bipolar disorder like me and I had put my heart on the line.

I had never publicly discussed having this disorder and the tribulations that come with it. I had never told anyone about the days where I don’t shower, don’t want to be around people, or isolate. I showed the side of me that’s outgoing, empathetic and fully engaged. However, most people don’t realize both of those sides of me can exist together.

As I began to do book events, having my book at the libraries, and selling it local places, the book began to grow traction. I was overjoyed and nervous. People began to ask me how I got the voice of the main character so believable.

I began to admit that Lucy’s experience with her mental health was nearly identical to my own. Like Lucy, I take medications daily, keep my friend group small, and constantly doubt myself. Even when things feel good and okay, I have anxieties of not doing enough or even being enough.

Nonetheless, the last year has shown me my strength. My bipolar sometimes wants to take over and be the driver of my life, but I'm learning more than ever how to deal with those tough days.

Therapy, reminding myself of my accomplishments, seeking connection, and realizing I’m not alone has saved me from spiraling more times than I’d like to admit.

As May comes to an end and it being Mental Health Awareness Month, I’m reminded of how we’re not alone. It’s OK to not be OK. It’s OK if you take an entire day to yourself to sleep all day. It’s OK if all you did today was wake up. Not every day has to be perfect or productive.

Try and remember in those dark moments, you aren’t alone. People love and care about you. Your brain is lying to you and you’re worth infinitely more than anything you feel.

Take care of yourself.

Call a friend.

Eat your favorite food.

Watch your favorite TV show. (I’m partial to Parks & Recreation and Deep Space Nine.)

Locally, you can call Lake County Behavioral Health’s crisis line at 800-900-2075 if you need someone to help.

There’s also plenty of Suicide Prevention Services available:

• North Bay Suicide Prevention Hotline of Lake County: Phone 855-587-6373
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Phone 800-273-TALK (8255).
• Call. Text. Chat. 988 — Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Take care of yourself first. You deserve a beautiful life. Always.

Jordan O'Halloran is an advocate for mental health and kindness. She lives in Lake County with her partner, cat and roommate.